INTP/INFJ “Grand Miscommunication” theory
I would like to put forth my theory of why INFJs are theoretically supposed to be the “perfect match” for the INTP, I would appreciate input from the INFJs on the list as well, as I am focusing more on the INTP side, as I am myself an INTP and that is just plain easier.
It is my theory that within the relationship between the INTP and the INFJ, there is a grand accident that lends itself to compatibility between the two types.
I asked my INTP about this, and she said you raise a fair point. That while INTPs do have a general sense of shamelessness, that they don’t like to talk about anything unless the other person has proven themselves to be intelligent and receptive (and people that manage to do this are usually important to the INTP because they are rare). In a way, there is an intimacy there, it just may not be the same kind of intimacy that some types might imbue it with.
Here is my perspective as an INFJ. I did not assume that I was being told something that had never been told to anyone else, when my INTP would tell me things. In fact, her brazen honesty was something I envied and admired because I assumed it was more a natural state of being. There were occasionally things she’d talk about that she’d qualify as being boring or immature or… some other kind of negative, which let me know that she was expecting to be judged. Things that even though she had no real problem mentioning, she still felt a little sensitive about. I appreciated that for what it was and acted accordingly.
There’s rarely anything she says the doesn’t make sense, and when there are it’s usually something she’s misinterpreting or hiding by verbal obfuscation from herself (you guys occasionally perform mental olympics to uphold a pristine logical image of yourselves), and I generally tend to point out those discrepancies. She seems to appreciate that, even though it might not be a pleasant discovery. She values clarity and self-awareness above her ego… which is another thing that I truly and deeply appreciate about her and other more mature INTPs.
My INTP said that INTPs also have a secret (sometimes not so secret) desire to be accepted, understood, and found valuable/loved. INFJs often provide this, and an emotional bond can be created between both. When an INTP is happy, they can be really expressive of that, they have a certain amount of child-like enthusiasm that shines through, and INFJs will lap that up like honey. Because many of us INFJs just want to be helpful. It’s a great combination - a healthy INTP who wants to achieve self-actualization and who expresses gratitude and affection toward things and persons that help them do that, and INFJs who want to help people achieve self-actualization and contentment.
I want to be around someone who appreciates my intellect, who can entertain me with quality conversation or exist with me in quality silences, who wants to better themselves as much as I want to better myself… all around, I think INTP/INFJ supports one another in these quests. INFJs can help INTPs clarify their emotional sides and provides them with a safe warm consistent home base when things get to chaotic. INTPs help INFJs develop their Ti (or appreciate their Ti if it’s already developed, and provide it with an outlet for upkeep), they provide the INFJ with someone they can trust almost implicitly. The INTP, if feeling understood and accepted by the INFJ, is utterly guile-less. This is a boon for the INFJ, who is so used to tolerating people who do the social equivalent of wearing a ton of make-up and gaudy material to hide emotional/character leprosy.